The Rushmore Report: Dumb New Laws in 2017

With a new year comes new laws on the books. Across the country, state legislatures had been hard at work in 2016 crafting new laws to take effect on January 1, 2017. Leading the list of new laws is the new mandate in Illinois – it is now legal to catch catfish with a pitchfork. Following are other important laws that promise a better future for all Americans.

California – Methane emissions from dairy cows must be reduced by 40 percent by 2030.

Pennsylvania – Beer may now be sold in six packs.

New Hampshire – For the first time, beastiality is outlawed.

Oregon – There can be no more sky lanterns.

California – Autographed memorabilia cannot be sold without a certificate of authenticity.

Iowa – A live person cannot use a dead person’s handicapped parking sign.

North Carolina – It is a felony to steal more than $1,000 worth of grease.

To their credit, lawmakers have not only enacted these brilliant new laws; they have kept other time-tested laws on the books – laws that have kept Americans safe and that have made us the envy of all the world. Without these laws, America would not be the great nation she is today. Our hope is that future lawmakers will follow the examples of their predecessors, and keep these brilliant laws in place.

For example, bingo games can’t go beyond five hours in North Carolina. Chickens can’t cross the road in Quitman, Georgia. Cactus-cutting is punishable by 25 years in prison in Arizona. Policemen can bite a dog to calm him down in Paulding, Ohio. You can’t sell your eyeballs in Texas. Don’t even think about singing off-key in North Carolina. In Rhode Island, you can’t buy both a toothbrush and toothpaste on the Lord’s Day. If you eat fried chicken in Gainesville, Georgia, you better use your hands. In Utah you can marry your cousin until you turn 65. Red cars are banned from Lake Street in Minneapolis. In Carrizozo, New Mexico, women must shave.

You can’t wrestle a bear in Alabama, buy meat on Sunday in Washington, or take a picture of a rabbit without a permit in Wyoming. In San Antonio, it’s illegal to flirt, while you can’t kiss a woman if you have a mustache in Eureka, Nevada. And in Waynesboro, Virginia, it’s against the law for a woman to drive a car on Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of her car waving a red flag.

My favorite – You can be arrested for harassing Bigfoot in the State of Washington.

So be warned, America! Until 2017, we didn’t have enough laws. But our state legislators have come to the rescue. So the next time you see Bigfoot, leave him alone.

Contributing Author

Kerry Picket is a reporter for The Daily Caller and a contributor to Fox News.

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