Stages of a Cold

A husband’s reactions to his wife’s colds during the first seven years of marriage evolve.

Year 1 – “Sugar Dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all the strep going around. I’m putting you in the hospital. I know the food is lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Landry’s.”

Year 2 – “Listen, Darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough and I’ve called the doctor to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl.”

Year 3 – “Maybe you should lie down, Honey.”

Year 4 – “Now look, Dear, be sensible. After you feed the kids, do the dishes and mop the floor, you better get some rest.”

Year 5 – “Why don’t you take an aspirin?”

Year 6 – “If you’d just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal all evening, you might get better.”

Year 7 – “For Pete’s sake, stop that sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”

Does this sound familiar to anyone other than my wife? Remember the nice guy you used to be? Guess what? That was the man your wife thought she was marrying.

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