Bad Lab Report

A lady took her pet white duck to the vet. After examining the duck, the doctor pronounced, “Your duck is dead.”

The woman asked, “Is there any other test you can do to be sure?”

The vet brought in his pet black Labrador who sniffed the carcass, put his paw on the duck’s chest, and walked out of the room. The vet came back in with his tomcat that also sniffed the corpse, put its paw on the duck’s chest, meowed, and then jumped down from the exam table.

The vet then went to his computer to type out a bill. Upon telling the lady the bad news – indeed her duck was dead – he handed her a bill for $1,000.

“A thousand dollars? Why is it so expensive? You didn’t even do anything for my duck!”

The vet said, “The cost of the vet visit was just $50. The other $950 is for the cat scan and the lab report.”

The only thing worse than receiving bad news is having to pay for it. That’s where I’ve got good news for you. The Gospel is great news, and it costs you nothing. Jesus already paid the price for our sin in full – on the cross. And the exam results are in. You and I are dead in our sin. But there is hope. Jesus died to set us free. No cat scans or lab reports are needed.

Larger Steak

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger piece. Now you take the larger one and leave me the smaller one. You don’t love me anymore.”

Her husband responded, “That’s nonsense, darling. You just cook better now.”

Successful marriages have two qualities: a man who is quick on his feet, and sacrifice. In this story, we see only one of the two.

When God created man and woman, he said they are to be one. That means that as husband and wife, we are to put one another first. We are to give before we receive and listen before we speak. We are to keep the holy triangle in place: God, husband, and wife. We are to put our husband or wife first.

And if, along the way, the wife becomes a better cook, well that’s okay, too.

Two Social Workers

Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city one evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back alley. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood.

“Help me, I’ve been mugged and viciously beaten,” he cried.

The two social workers turned and walked away.

One remarked to her colleague, “You know the person that did this really needs help.”

Despite the careless attitude of the social workers, they actually have a point. The person who harms another really does need help.

A boy had his bicycle stolen. He told his dad, “I’m gonna git him good, dad! I’m gonna git him good!”

His dad replied, “No, son. You just pray for him. And while you’re at it, thank God that you were the boy who had the bike stolen, and not the boy who did the stealing.”

When we harm another person, in a very real way, we harm ourselves even more.

The Rushmore Report: What Has Trump Accomplished in His First 6 Months?

The first six months of the Trump Administration have been marked by constant conflict – much driven by a mainstream media intent on Trump’s demise. To watch most newscasts is to miss most of what Trump has actually been doing. There is, after all, more to a presidency than the man’s tweets. So what, exactly, has Trump accomplished in his first six months in office? Quite a bit, actually.

1. Dow Jones is way up.

In the first six months of the Trump Administration, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has jumped by 9.3 percent. That represents billions of dollars in the pockets of millions of workers and retirees. No, you won’t hear about it on CNN. But it’s big news.

2. Unemployment is way down.

The unemployment rate has dropped to 4.3 percent, the lowest level since 2001. Think about that. By adding over 800,000 jobs in the first few months of his presidency, Trump has seen the unemployment rate fall below the rate at any time of the entire Obama Administration. To say it again, the unemployment rate in July, 2017 is lower than it was for any of the 96 months of the Obama presidency.

3. Neil Gorsuch was appointed to the Supreme Court.

Though Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell deserves much of the credit for reserving the seat vacated while Obama was still president, it was Trump who made the Gorsuch appointment. And by all accounts, Gorsuch is a superb choice.

4. The travel ban was put in place.

Call it what you want, but the travel ban keeps more terrorists out than a non-travel ban would. Despite all the legal wrangling, even the threat of the ban has kept many refugees out who might have done harm to Americans.

5. A border wall is planned.

While it is estimated that the wall will cost $21.6 billion, it will keep many illegals out. The House Appropriations Committee has approved just $1.6 billion for the first 74 miles of fencing.

6. Illegal immigration is down.

Trump’s most consequential immigration-related action is the expansion of deportation. An average of 13,085 illegals are being deported each month. As a result of the crackdown, border crossings are way down.

7. Trump has brought massive deregulation.

The president has made unprecedented use of the Congressional Review Act to undo 13 regulations passed under President Obama. Another 860 regulations have been put on hold. This has been a boon to American industry.

Has the Trump Administration been without controversy? Of course not. Are his twitter habits helping? Of course not. But if we actually judge President Trump by what he does more than by what he says, it’s hard to argue that the first six months of his presidency have been marked by great success.


The Rushmore Report: How Michael Jordan Helped Jordan Spieth Win the Open

To say Jordan Spieth was leaking oil on Sunday at The Open Championship would be an affront to the Exxon Valdez. Spieth had bogeyed three of his first four holes and was fading hard. That’s when his caddie Michael Greller stepped in with a reminder. Much like Rory McIlroy’s caddie, J.P. Fitzgerald, reminded him earlier in the week, Greller shared a similar sentiment with Spieth.

A few weeks ago, Spieth took a trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, with his girlfriend and some friends to charge his batteries before The Open. He met up with Michael Phelps, Michael Jordan, Russell Wilson, and others. Spieth tweeted out a photo of them together at dinner.

On Sunday, when it was all going sideways at Royal Birkdale, Greller reminded Spieth of that photo.

Spieth said, “Michael did a great thing today. He said, ‘Do you remember that group you were with in Cabo last week? You belong in that group.’ This was on seven tee box. We walked off the tee box, and he made me come back. He said, ‘I’ve got something to say to you.’ He said, ‘Do you remember that group you were with? You’re that caliber of an athlete. But I need you to believe that right now because you’re in a great position in this tournament. This is a new tournament. We’re starting over here.'”

Heady stuff, and Spieth said it carried him throughout the rest of the round.

“I definitely thought about what he was saying while I was over some of those key putts I made. I mean, for the way it was looking, those weren’t easy; those 3-footers were like 10-footers to me. And all of a sudden the lid came off. And the 30-footers were 2-footers to me. I don’t know why I can’t make it a little more boring sometimes.”

Spieth went on to explain why self belief is so important in golf and how he’s able to channel it in the most absurd moments (which is what I think makes him so great).

“I think just a little bit of belief that you are the best, you know?” said Spieth. “Michael Jordan and Michael Phelps are the greatest to ever do what they did, and I’m not. But if you believe that you are, then you’re almost as good as being that. And it’s so hard in that situation to believe that, but just having the slightest bit of belief in it makes you so confident. And I thought that that was so well said. It was just such the right time.

“I’ll never forget what Michael – how he told me that, when he told me that and the significance that it had. And just that bit of confidence that when he had said that early in the round and then he had another thing to say – that momentum is on our side. ‘Just do exactly what you’ve been doing, it’s going to go your way.’ Just his belief, when I know him so well, just fed over a bit.”

Greller certainly was worth every bit of his 10 percent of Spieth’s $1.85 million payday on Sunday. And now his boss has three major championships with a fourth on deck.

About the Author

Kyle Porter is a writer for CBS Sports.

The Rushmore Report: Sen. McCain Rescues Healthcare Reform – For Now

Sen. John McCain returned to the Senate Tuesday afternoon for the first time since his brain cancer diagnosis, delivering powerful remarks from the floor addressing the need for bipartisanship amid the gridlock facing the chamber. McCain, R-Ariz., returned to help GOP colleagues advance their health care bill. As he arrived, he was greeted by a round of applause and hugs from fellow senators.

“Make no mistake, my service here is the most important job I have had in my life. And I am so grateful to the people of Arizona for the privilege – for the honor – of serving here and the opportunities it gives me to play a small role in the history of the country I love,” McCain said, acknowledging senators he’s “known and admired.” “But they knew that however sharp and heartfelt their disputes, however keen their ambitions, they had an obligation to work collaboratively to ensure the Senate discharged its constitutional responsibilities effectively.”

But McCain stressed that the Senate’s deliberations are “more partisan, more tribal” than any time he remembers.

“Our deliberations can still be important and useful, but I think we’d all agree they haven’t been overburdened by greatness lately – and right now they aren’t producing much for the American people,” McCain said.

“We’ve been spinning our wheels on too many issues because we keep trying to find a way to win without help from across the aisle. That’s an approach that’s been employed by both sides,” he continued.

McCain added, “Stop listening to the bombastic loudmouths on the radio and television and the Internet. To hell with them. They don’t want anything done for the public good. Our incapacity is their livelihood.”

The test vote on the health care bill Tuesday allows lawmakers to start debate. With McCain’s support and a tie-breaking vote from Vice President Mike Pence, it cleared the hurdle on a 51-50 vote.

McCain warned he won’t support the bill in its current form.

“I will not vote for the bill as it is today. It’s a shell of a bill right now. We all know that,” he said. “We’ve tried to do this by coming up with a proposal behind closed doors in consultation with the administration, then springing it on skeptical members, trying to convince then it’s better than nothing, asking us to swallow our doubts and force it past unified opposition.”

McCain said he didn’t think that would work, and added that “it probably shouldn’t.”

President Trump was not mentioned by name in McCain’s speech, but the senator did go on to mention that the Senate is an “important check on the powers of the Executive.”

“Whether or not we are of the same party, we are not the President’s subordinates. We are his equal,” McCain said. “As his responsibilities are onerous, many, and powerful, so are ours.”

McCain went on to thank fellow senators for their kind words and prayers after the news of his diagnosis.

“I’ve had so many people say such nice things about me recently that I think some of you must have me confused with someone else,” McCain joked, drawing laughter from the chamber. “I appreciate it though, every word, even if much of it isn’t deserved.”

McCain said he would spend a “few days” in Washington and plans to manage the floor debate later this week on the defense authorization bill.

McCain concluded his remarks with a promise that he had “every intention” of returning to Washington after spending time at home to treat his illness.

“I have every intention of returning here and giving many of you cause to regret all the nice things you said about me,” MeCain joked. “And, I hope, to impress you again that it is an honor to serve the American people in your company.”

About the Author

Brooke Singman is a writer for Fox News.

The Rushmore Report: Kirk Cousins Turns Down $53M – Because of His Faith

Kirk Cousins is citing his faith as the ultimate reason he is turning down a long-term deal with the Washington Redskins, insisting that he wants to follow God’s plan for him. Instead of committing to sign with the Redskins for the next few years, the 28-year-old Christian quarterback opted to sign a franchise one-year deal with the team. The All-Pro explained the importance of hearing from God.

In a report last week, Cousins opened up about how his faith influences his career decisions.

“First of all, what rarely ever gets reported is that ultimately this decision is not about anything more important than my faith,” Cousins said. “My faith is ultimately driving this decision. Do I feel like the Lord is leading me to make this decision or that decision and where does he give me peace?’

Throughout the years, the QB has been vocal about his belief that God brought him to Washington, D.C. to play for the Redskins. He echoed those sentiments on a CBS radio show.

Cousins said, “He brought me to D.C. then. He had a plan for me. I didn’t know if it was going to be for football or for something else, but he placed me in Washington, D.C. for a reason. I believe that with my whole heart, and as a result, I was content to be patient and allow time to reveal that and to continue to just wait on the Lord.”

While some may not understand his decision to not commit to a long-term football career with the Redskins, Cousins said he is trusting in the Lord.

“He’s done far more for me in my five seasons here in Washington than I ever thought he would. And so here I sit and people are saying, ‘It appears to be a dead end. After this year, what’s going to happen to Kirk?'”

Cousins continued, “I tell them I’m trusting in the Lord.”

The QB has made it his goal to lead on and off the field. His greater goal is to lead men to Christ. “I think naturally I am a leader. I believe that leadership at the end of the day is influence. I think that more than anything as a Christian I want to be able to influence my teammates for Christ and that’s not going to change.”

The Rushmore Report: Meeting the Lawyers Investigating Trump

President Trump’s criticism of Special Counsel Robert Mueller signals a renewed effort to challenge his investigators’ credibility over their track record of pro-Democratic political donations. There is no shortage of examples to fuel the president’s case. Of the 15 attorneys on staff for Mueller, at least seven have donated thousands of dollars to Hillary Clinton; not one gave a penny to the Trump campaign.

“This is just a witch hunt – it’s all a hoax,” White House Counselor Kellyanne Conway told “Fox & Friends” last week after Trump criticized Mueller in a New York Times interview. “People should know what folks’ motivations are – these weren’t minor donations, these were significant donations by members of that team.”

Does Team Trump have a point? Yes. Again, not a single member of his 15 attorneys has any track record of supporting Mr. Trump or other Republicans with their donations. On the other hand, consider what we know about just a few of the attorneys assembled by Mueller in his “unbiased investigation.”

James Quarles

A former partner at WilmerHale, Quarles donated $2,700 to Hillary Clinton in 2016 and over $7,000 to President Obama for his two races for the White House. His donations to Trump: nothing.

Jeannie Rhee

Having served in the Office of Legal Counsel and as an assistant U.S. attorney for the District of Columbia, Rhee donated $5,400 to Clinton and $4,800 to Obama. Her donations to Trump: nothing.

Andrew Weissmann

A general counsel at the FBI and assistant U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of New York, Weissmann gave $2,300 to Obama and $2,000 to the Democratic National Committee. His donations to Trump: nothing.

Andrew Goldstein

An attorney on detail from the Southern District of New York, Mr. Goldstein gave $3,300 to Obama. His donations to Trump: nothing.

The Rest

Elizabeth Prelogar, Brandon Van Grack, and Rush Atkinson all donated to the Clinton campaign. Their combined donations to Trump: nothing.

So Mr. Mueller has assembled a team of 15 “unbiased” attorneys to investigate Team Trump. At least half have donated money to Clinton, Obama, and other Democratic causes. Not one of the 15 has given a dime to Trump or Republican causes.

But this could backfire. While Republicans are demanding fairness and calling Mueller’s team into question, perhaps this is going to work in their favor. If the Special Counsel exonerates President Trump, no one can say they were stacked in his favor. What could look better for the president than for a team of Clinton supporters to report back that he had done nothing wrong?

So while many conservatives are blasting Mueller for his “unfairness,” perhaps he’s the smart one. He knows that a right-leaning investigative team would have any pro-Trump report called into question. But when (or if?) his team comes back in a few months and says Trump did nothing wrong, no one can call into question the integrity of the committee.

So will this heavily pro-Clinton investigative team work against Trump – or for him?

We’ll know soon.


The Rushmore Report: Dems Pledge to Come Up with a Message – At Last

As polling shows that more Americans today think the Democratic Party “just stands against” President Donald Trump instead of promoting its own message, leading liberals are calling for the party to unify its base by refocusing its attention on an economic alternative. A Washington Post poll last week found that only 37 percent of Americans believe that the Democratic Party actually “stands for something.”

Another 52 percent say the party “just stands against Trump.” With focus now on the 2018 midterm elections, that same poll found that only 24 percent of registered voters plan to vote based on their opposition to Trump in the midterm elections. Meanwhile, 20 percent of registered voters will vote based on their support of Trump. And 51 percent said Trump will not be a factor in their midterm votes.

Now, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has unveiled a legislative agenda called “A Better Deal: Better Jobs, Better Wages, Better Future.” According to Schumer, the agenda has three prongs that will focus on creating more job-training opportunities, lowering costs of everyday expenses, and raising wages.

Schumer was asked why Democrats didn’t release this type of economic agenda during the 2016 campaign. He responded, “Well, I don’t know why it didn’t happen in the campaign. We all take blame, not any one person.” He added, the new agenda “is not going to be left or right.”

He continued, “It will unify the Democratic Party, because we are united on economic issues. And a bold, sharp-edged message, platform, policy, that talks about working people and how the system is rigged against them is going to resonate. And this is the first time we’re going to have it, and our party is going to be unified.”

There you have it. Democratic leader Chuck Schumer says of his party: “This is the first time we’re going to have it.”

America is waiting. The Democratic Party says it actually has a message – at last.

About the Author

Samuel Smith is a reporter for The Christian Post.

The Rushmore Report: The Two Men Most Likely to Replace Jeff Sessions

In light of President Trump’s recent comments about Attorney General Jeff Sessions, commentator Charles Krauthammer describes Sessions as a “dead man walking.” In recent phone calls to supporters and confidants, Trump asked, “What would happen if I fired Sessions?” It seems Sessions’ departure is no longer a matter of if, but when. But when he goes, who will replace him? I suggest two names.

This is not to say we support the idea. Sessions is a man of integrity. He was the lone senator to support candidate Trump on the eve of Super Tuesday. One could argue it was Sessions’ support that allowed Trump to run away from Senators Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz in the campaign. Most legal scholars and conservative politicians agree with Sessions’ move to recuse himself from the Russia investigation – the move that has landed him in hot water with the president.

Should Trump replace Sessions? No! But that doesn’t mean he won’t. My guess is that Sessions will not go on his own. He will force Trump’s hand. And sooner rather than later, the move will come. Sessions will be out.

So who will replace him? I see two likely candidates.

Ted Cruz

The senator from Texas has the right background. It is highly suspected in Texas that he wants to do something else. He has grown weary of being one of 100 in “the world’s most deliberative body.” The senate’s failure to pass legislation – or even vote on legislation – has frustrated Cruz tremendously. It will not be easy to find a candidate who a) is willing to take the job, and b) can win Senate approval. But the Republican senators will vote for Cruz because he is one of their own. And the Democratic senators will support him because they want him gone from the Senate.

Rudy Giuliani

Trump has already floated Giuliani’s name to close friends and supporters. While Giuliani has said he doesn’t want the job, he would likely take it. But as a fiercely independent voice, he would not be a good match for the president long-term. However, that may not be much of a problem, as most of Trump’s appointments don’t appear to be long-term anyway.

Best Guess

My best guess is that Trump will fire Sessions by the end of summer. Then he will appoint Senator Cruz. Then Texas Governor Greg Abbott would appoint an interim senator – possibly Lt. Governor Dan Patrick, who would love the job.